User talk:Zbezilla/sandbox
Abstract: the abstract was written well and in a concise manner that helps to introduce the disease. No alternate names. It is within 300 words (111 words).
Signs/Symptoms: very clear and easy to understand, variations listed of the disease. Did a great job!
Cause: Maybe add some more detail to this, it is short but does the job. I would add some more detail. Could add a diagram.
Mechanism/Pathophysiology: very detailed and well written. Could add more about the pathway or signaling interactions to better connect it all.
Diagnosis: has testing and ways of diagnosis, can add more about family/medical history.
--Shaheryarh96 (talk) 18:00, 15 November 2019 (UTC)
Abstract: Are there any other names for this disease? Hyperlinks would help people understand all of the medical terms being used. Signs and symptoms: Rewording of some of the sentences such as “Size of kidneys can be normal-sized or greatly enlarged” will help the flow of the paper. Causes: This section seems good to me. May want to include some of the “other related kidney diseases” for background and general information. Mechanism/pathophysiology: You may want to explain why certain things are happening. Why are the walls of the epithelia are flattened? What makes them flat? Diagnosis: The inclusion of hyperlinks in this section may help. I don’t think there is any reason to include any diagnostic tests that don’t seem to add to the possibility of diagnosis. The rest of the section seems to be good. The other sections seem to be in order but be sure to put any hyperlinks on words that may not be understood by a regular individual without background knowledge. --Jeremiahhec (talk) 10:27, 15 November 2019 (UTC)Jeremiah Heredia
- This is looking good overall. The structure is good and the basics for the pieces look very promising.
- It could use a lot more linking to other wikipedia articles.
- Some sections need some work to be lay readable. Signs and symptoms particularly needs to be revised for clarity. Some combination of more linking and more lay accessible language here. Same with Mechanisms.
- There is recent research out there or I would not have allowed this topic. Make sure you go find recent research that has been happening and address it.
- Some of this is still written in an outline like format. Bulleted lists are fine when appropriate but make sure the rest is in clear, full and connected sentences. A number of the headings for bulleted lists do not clearly explain what the lists are about.