User talk:Wnepermann/sandbox

Whitney Misters -Good job using the links on the bigger words -Mabey add more information in the abstract like; key features, and a concise summary of the disease - To find more epidemiology information you could probably use academic search premier - In the symptoms section it would be nice if you could bullet point the different symptoms to make it an easier read for the audience - The mechanism section is well written easy to read, to add to the article add more information on Neutropenia - The complications tab could be included as a sub section under symptoms - The acronym under diagnosis is nice easy to read and understand, you should include a step by step section in the diagnosis according to the rubric - In the treatment mention the names of the medications used to treat RA that are commonly used for Felty’s syndrome

You did a good job keeping your abstract/introduction section brief but informative; you could still add a little more about symptoms here. The symptoms section itself looked good, but maybe include the complications section here. If you keep the complications section separate, it would be helpful to have a 1-2 sentence description introducing and/or explaining them some more. For the mechanisms section, although much is not necessarily known for this specific disease, you could add more detail on neutropenia and splenomegaly. Including the acronym in your diagnosis section is helpful, but you could add more information regarding what types of tests you would need to diagnose the other conditions. The only section that doesn't seem to be there yet is "recent research." Overall your article looks like it is off to a good start!-Arti Ap1317 (talk) 16:39, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Check grammar and clarity. Especialy abstract!
Abstract really needs some information on cause or mechanism.
Cite more
First sentence of mechanisms is filler. Think about what's appropriate for encyclopedia.
We do have more information (or at least strong hypotheses) about the connections and how this occurs. Make sure to include those.
Missing recent research
Make sure your sections hold together.
Lots of great information here, just add to it in places and work on clarity and structure a bit.

--Sweiner02 (talk) 19:01, 22 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback from MJackson53

Abstract: Look out for grammatical errors. Try including brief summaries of the sections you will be discussing in the rest of the wiki article.

Mechanism: I like that you broke down this section by the three main conditions. Perhaps, restate what those three conditions are in the 1st sentence of this section. “The result of this chemical release causes the synovial cells to release harmful chemicals in response as well as begin the growth of new blood vessels, forming a pannus” - Is it possible to talk about what chemicals are released and how/what makes the blood vessels grow? Don’t forget to talk about how the spleen becomes enlarged. Continue going into more detail about neutropenia. Don’t forget to try to make this section lay readable; overall I think the details that are currently present are a good start.

Symptoms: “Keratoconjunctivitis sicca may occur due to…,” I was not sure why you included this sentence, maybe you can add a transition sentence prior to this sentence.

Diagnosis: I really like the acronym.

Cause and Prevention: If there are no causes of Felty’s Syndrome, maybe look into the causes of the 3 conditions that lead to Felty’s Syndrome. Don’t forget to mention preventions.

Treatment and Prognosis: Go into more detail about the treatments.

Recent Research: Don’t forget to include this section in your final draft. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 192.175.17.29 (talk) 19:34, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]