User talk:Lliizz123/sandbox

KimonoKagaku (talk) 17:07, 7 April 2015 (UTC)
Unit 3 Peer Review of Wikipedia Page
ENGW 3307 with Professor Musselman
by Ara Mahar

For the purpose of this review, I have read and reviewed all text, italic or otherwise.

Summary This article discusses mental health in Southeast Africa. First they discuss how mental health is not a priority for these countries. Then, the author discusses the cultural views of what mental illness looks like and why it occurs. The article specifically focuses on the stigma associated with mental illness.

Major Points

The priority of mental health section is clearly an important section. There is some good information here. But I feel more general conclusions need to be drawn. Perhaps discussing what the presented examples show about the priorities of these countries. More explicit statements like "mental health has not historically been a priory in Southeast Africa."

I think the same can be said of the Perspective section. Talking more about the traditional views of mental health and how this directly impacts those who suffer. For those maybe unfamiliar, discuss why the traditional way of treating these illnesses is perhaps harmful. Sentences like "people are often isolated or treated against their will in order to prevent patients from hurting themselves or others" do not automatically sound harmful or too different from Western medicine. If a patient is violent, do we not force them into treatment here as well?

The Symptoms... section seems incredibly broad. At one point a list of symptoms are given as general signs of mental illness. I do not think this can ever be done. Also, this section and the Perspectives section are very similar. I am not sure what the differences are, and perhaps they could be combined to create a stronger section on Perceptions of Mental Illness.

In fact, I think the last three sections all have heavy overlap. Some time may need to be devoted to reorganizing these sections so they overlap less. Or perhaps creating nested sections, one called "perceptions of mental illness" and smaller sections on "explanations" and "stigma" as an example.

Minor Points

I think it would be useful for the author to include a brief explanation of what countries comprise Southeast Africa. Or at least link to a page about it.

"This article discusses" sounds a little strange, perhaps. I have not seen many articles on wikipedia that speak this way.

"Countries in Southeast Africa are incredibly poor..." Are ALL of them poor? If not, consider rephrasing.

"...and have historically experienced conflict, poverty, violence..." Are these conditions ongoing? It sounds as if they are only historical. Also, all countries have historically experienced these things. I think it would be important to explain why Southeast Africa is different. Perhaps they have experienced more, or are still experiencing them now.

"but mental health services are much worse in low-income nations" I think maybe explaining what 'worse' means would be useful. They don't give good care, they can't provide care very widely, the care is actually not beneficial, etc.

"Many people in Southeast Africa are malnourished or have infectious diseases, both of which are life threatening conditions." I would like to see a citation for this and possibly a more specific number, not just 'many.'

"...so they are seen as less important than other health problems." I recommend adding 'often' to this sentence. Not everyone sees it this way, and the language should not reflect an absolute statement.

"Mental health services in Southeast Africa are very limited for several other reasons: " A colon is useful with a long list. But this sentence only includes two things, cultural differences and limited resources. A comma would suffice.

Under Priority of mental health Is there any data on the Uganda example to show the results of the mental health initiative? That would be really interesting to include.

I wonder if the definition of stigma is necessary. I think this is a very common term.

"Stigma has many serious consequences..." For whom? I can surmise you mean for those who are stigmatized, but this is not clear from the sentence.

"Treatment non-adherence, as this is called, significantly..." The clause "as this is called" sounds strange. Rephrasing it to exclude commas would sound better. E.g. "This behavior is called treatment non-adherence"