User talk:Holbrook.alex98/sandbox

Peer Review

Hi! I think that you have a good start to your article. I think that you need to add some headers to the different sections so the reader knows what they are going to read about before. Overall its a good start you need to add more information on the subject. Alysha-Merkel7 (talk) 00:52, 28 July 2018 (UTC)Alysha-Merkel7[reply]

Peer review-Sarah Kimes

First, The entire article should be reexamined for bias, I found that, while it uses some technical language, it sounds very biased. The below entry/pharagraph is the one I would concentrate on for bias Particularity in the first lines review is needed:

An anxiety threshold is the level of anxiety that, when reached, will affect a person's performance. Anxiety is a distasteful emotion, similar to fear, that is created by insecurities in one’s abilities, concerns for the future, such as financial or situational circumstances, or past memories of frightening experiences. Anxiety can affect all age groups and if fears are irrational may cause mental disorders.[1] An individual's anxiety threshold can be measured by the amount of anxiety consistently manifested from situation to situation.[2]

I do work in the mental healthcare field so I am fairly familiar with the subject, and I would suggest creating secitions of information such as:

Origin/History-Who first discovered/diagnosed condition, how was the first treatments preformed; if any. Its connection to other mental health conditions

Then something like: Signs and Symptoms of Anxiety Thresholds

Then (sub-heading) Types of Anxiety Thresholds evidenced in other mental health conditions/Anxiety Disorders

Then (heading) Treatments and Diagnosis process.

(Sub heading) Professionals who can Diagnose and treat this condition

A references section, of course.

Some places you can look for information; should you be interested, of course; DSM V (DSM VI and III could be used but the standard choice of Mental healthcare providers is the DSM V) The National Alliance on Mental Illness may have information on this subject, as could the National Institute of Mental Health, Psychology journals and Psychology Today (While this is a article website it also is used to link people to therapists by type of service and is often read and referenced by professionals with peer-reviewed articles.)Sarahkimes (talk) 18:24, 28 July 2018 (UTC) 18:16, 28 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Draft feedback

Hi Alex!

I've just read what you have so far for the article you're working on, and the list of material you're hoping to add is a good one. My biggest suggestions as you continue working on this article are: --the biggest thing it needs is more material added and for the ideas in your outline to be fleshed out into actual sentences/paragraphs/sections --updating the language in the existing article would be a good idea as well (descriptors like "distasteful" step outside the neutral encyclopedia voice, and some of the phrasing is misleading, like the suggestion that irrational fears can cause mental disorders)

I hope these notes are a little bit helpful--as you add more material, I would be happy to look at this again so I'm responding to more of your actual text. I look forward to seeing what you add to this! Nicoleccc (talk) 19:15, 28 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Full draft feedback

Hi Alex!

You've made significant improvements to this! The statistics section in particular gives clear, direct information in the right neutral tone for this type of writing. You also have a strong reference section with a good range of sources linked in it. My biggest suggestions as you continue to work on/finalize your improvements to this article are: --the existing lead section (by a previous editor/editors) contains a lot of vague language and some terminology that would benefit from clearer definition. It would improve the overall caliber of the article to make some improvements to this lead section --be careful to connect to your sources where you use material from them in your text (the first couple of sentences in the "Statistics" section are an example of this--it's not clear whether this information is from the WHO like some of the information later in the paragraph or if these came from a variety of sources) --are there effects of reaching an anxiety threshold other than performance-specific ones? --you have several great potential sub-headings in your draft that currently don't have any text under them. Adding material to these would be a good addition to the article (the symptoms section in particular seems like a good candidate, but that also depends on what published material you've been able to find). If you aren't able to locate information that helps you flesh out these subheadings, you might want to leave them out of the main article for the time being.

I think those are my core notes. I hope these help a little as you finish this work, but let me know if you have questions! Nicoleccc (talk) 18:54, 1 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

More draft feedback!

You have added to this significantly, Alex! That's excellent. I have a few small finalizing notes:

In the "Causes" and "Treatments" sections, there is a shift away from neutral third person and toward "you" pronouns. You will want to make these the more neutral third person standard to Wikipedia entries.
Related to the first bullet: the list under "Home Remedies" is instructional (do this, try that) rather than informative (some people have tried, others who have experienced reaching their anxiety thresholds suggest)
Minor copy edits: some slight phrasing bumps (example, from the "Statistics" section: "...doesn't limit itself to adults, where 25% of children..." suggests that "adults" is the place where 25% of children experience this; another example is under "Symptoms" where you note "...which can impact on study, work or social life." It can *impact* these things, or it can *have an impact on* these things, but *impact on* doesn't quite work as the verb phrase here). A slow, careful proofread (or another one) could be useful. Nicoleccc (talk) 23:10, 11 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]