Co-dependency

Codependency is a psychological condition where a person is excessively focused on taking care of the needs of others. Some codependent people have an overinflated belief that they alone are responsible for affecting the beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and behaviours of those around them. The term originally described people in a relationship who become care-givers to someone who has a substance abuse problem.

Codependency can cause many problems. Some codependent people sacrifice their integrity and sense of self in order to take care of others' needs. Since caregiving is a key part of their identity, they may feel guilty or ashamed whenever they do something for themselves, so they neglect themselves.

Unfortunately this means that codependent people are easy targets for abusive people. They often end up in relationships with people who have narcissistic personality disorder, because narcissists have an extreme need for admiration, which the codependent partner is very willing to provide.

Causes of Codependency

Codependency is often the result of parentification, when children are not allowed to act like children, but instead have to care for other family members. It can result from living with parents or other family members who struggle with substance abuse. Codependency may begin in childhood, as children often grow up modeling behaviors after a parent who may have been codependent or in a codependent relationship.

Codependency may also be the result of a traumatic event, whether in childhood or adulthood.

A complex relationship between codependency and narcissism has been established, indicating that the two often go hand in hand, and even sometimes overlap.

However, it is difficult to predict codependency based only on these factors.

Symptoms of Codependency

There are two main forms of codependence: passive and active. Someone who is passively codependent is more likely to avoid conflict and confrontation, going to great lengths to keep things smooth and not rock the boat. Active codependency is often more manipulative, and an individual may try to push their partner into behaving a certain way in order to fill their own emotional needs.

Both forms of codependence have many things in common, however. Some common signs of codependency include:

• Putting the feelings of others above oneself: Someone who suffers from codependence will often sacrifice their own feelings and wellbeing in order to make their partner happy.
• Constrained ability to assert oneself: With codependence, a person will rarely stand up for themselves, and if they do, it is often followed by intense bouts of guilt.
• Fear of rejection, abandonment, and isolation: The fear of being alone can be so intense that many behaviors are molded around this. A person may go to extreme lengths to hold onto relationships.
• Trouble making decisions without others: A person may be so wrapped up in their partner’s needs and wants that they are unable to assert their own.
• Need for control: Codependency breeds a strong need to control one’s environment and people around them.
• Efforts to be the one others depend on: Codependency can cause a person to feel the overwhelming need to be the caretaker and thus become indispensable to those around them.