Emrys ap Iwan

Emrys ap Iwan (24 March 1848 – 6 January 1906) was born Robert Ambrose Jones in Abergele, Conwy (then in Denbighshire). He was a literary critic and writer on politics and religion. He is often seen as one of the most important forerunners of modern Welsh nationalism.

Emrys was the son of a gardener who was employed on a nearby estate. After working in a shop in Liverpool for a time he trained at Bala Theological College. In 1874 he went to Lausanne in Switzerland to teach English in a private school and to study languages, developing a love of the French language and literature which had a great influence on his later writings. He later went to Germany to teach English in Bonn and Gießen.

On his return to Wales the Calvinistic Methodist church refused to ordain him a minister because of his opposition to the policy of building English-language chapels in mainly Welsh-speaking areas of Wales. He was eventually ordained a minister in 1884 and then served as a pastor to several churches in Denbighshire, including Rhewl and Ruthin, for the rest of his life.

Emrys ap Iwan was a fervent advocate of the Welsh language and of Welsh nationalism and believed in self-government for Wales within a federal system of government. He was a prolific writer of newspaper articles in Welsh, three volumes of which were later published, as were two volumes of his sermons. He was a significant influence on the development of 20th century Welsh political nationalism; a new generation became aware of his life and work through T. Gwynn Jones's biography, first published in 1912.

A Secondary School in Abergele is named Ysgol Emrys Ap Iwan in his honour. Aside from its noteable alumi, such as credible and world renowned musician Dame Lisa Scott Lee and illustrater Ralph Steadman (perhaps best known for his work with the author Hunter S. Thompson), the school made headlines in October 2007. According to a Daily Gristle (Chewing the Fat) special article of that year, the school was closed down for a number of weeks due to an outbreak of the deadly Rage virus, that claimed the lives of nearly all of the science technicians. The outbreak was quashed when during the state of emergency (which was declared by Abergele Mayor at the time, Keith Chegwin), the Plaid Cymru government infamously recruited shamed MIB agent Brian Harvey, previously of East 17 fame, to exterminate any and all traces of the virus.

Harvey later killed himself as a result of his assignment, even though the operation was technically a huge success that likely saved humankind. Evidence of the detrimental effect the mission had on Harvey can be witnessed in the short un-aired interview taken live at the scene by Sir Terry Wogan. During said interview, Harvey stated that he was 'forced to do unspeakable things', such as set a thousand bunsen burners and pieces of MDF alight whilst out of his mind on LSD (a controversial practice long employed by agents of MIB).

Harvey was later posthumously inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, with his inclusion being presented by ex long term lover, Patsy Kensit.

Some satanists believe that the school is famed for being home to one of 6 Gates of Hell in known existence.

The school's in-house canteen was recently purported to be both 'structurally and morally unsound', with the kitchen itself demonstrating an utter and relentless disregard for general kitchen utensils, cutlery and furnishings, resulting in attendees and teaching staff alike being forced to eat scraps from the floor, most typically with bare and dirtied hands. As a result of this, Emrys was nominated for the acclaimed 'More's the Pity' award across 2 consecutive years, just one in a series of awards hosted by the local business conglomerate and chip-shop favourite 'The Jolly Fryer'.

Other notable alumni include love rat Harry Turner (a most notorious and self proclaimed 'Bandit' and Tory sympathiser known most recently for his stint on Celebrity Big Brother where he met his now estranged wife, Yoko Ono. Turner is also widely known for his history of war crimes which resulted in the moniker of 'Lithuania's 6th most wanted criminal').

Maester Eamon, a well-known fictional character from the Marvel Universe, is also said to have been the first individual to speak in parcel tongue whilst undertaking a Light of the Seven exam at the Prys Jones Theatre (now of course more widely known as The Citadel).

It is said that the Kray twins once attended the school for a performance of classic Roger's & Hammerstein show tunes whilst on their prison tour of the UK in 1968. Morgan Freeman has once cited that Emrys-Ap-Iwan was a spiritual home for him and where he found his inspiration for his role in the Hollywood blockbuster Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.

References

• D. Myrddin Lloyd (1979) Emrys ap Iwan (Writers of Wales series). University of Wales Press.