Talk:Field Deployable Hydrolysis System

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Tone

This page reads entirely like a brochure for the system... I'm in sales, and this even sounds salesy to me. Please revise, it's hard to read this way. Fullgamut (talk) 02:53, 17 January 2014 (UTC) fullgamut This template must be substituted.[reply]

So fix it. Toddst1 (talk) 07:07, 17 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

BTW, you can't buy one, so I'm not sure how it could be salesy. Toddst1 (talk) 07:18, 17 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Fair point. But, it's just a format, when you list the positive attributes of something in a seemingly bullet form. "Can be field deployed in .. ", "is self-sufficient", ".. it dices, it slices!". Maybe it's because I'm around it so much that I'm hyper-sensitive -- Tom Waits has a great song called "Step Right Up" that parodies the style, highly recommended. Fullgamut (talk) 14:56, 17 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed. I suspect you work for, or with ECBC. Their involvement and effort was referenced three times. Salesy. Whatever else it wasn't selling, you version was certainly selling ECBC's awesome development prowess. It's all about tone. I agree it's quite an achievement to develop something like this in 6 months -- that speaks for itself.. no need to sell us on it.