Counterdependency
Counterdependency is the state of refusal of attachment, the denial of personal need, the omnipotence, and the refusal of dialogue found (for example) in destructive narcissism.[1]
Developmental origins
The roots of counterdependency can be found in the age-appropriate negativism of two-year-olds and teens,[2] where it serves the temporary purpose of distancing one from the parental figure[s]. As Selma Fraiberg put it, the two-year-old "says 'no' with spendid authority to almost any question addressed to him...as if he establishes his independence, his separateness from his mother, by being opposite".[3] Where the mother has difficulty accepting the child's need for active distancing,[4], the child may remain fixated on the counterdependent phase of development.[5]
In similar fashion, the teenager needs to be able to establish the fact of their separate mind to their parents,[6] even if only through a sustained state of cold rejection;[7] and again unresolved adolescent issues can lead to a mechanical counterdependence and unruly assertiveness in later life.[8]
Adult manifestations
The counterdependent personality has been described as being addicted to activity and suffering from grandiosity, as acting strong and pushing others away.[9] Out of a fear of being crowded, they avoid contact with others, something which can lead through emotional isolation to depression.[10]
The counterdependent male in particular may pride himself on being 'manly' - not needing affection, support or warmth, and being tough, independent and normal instead[11] - something still reinforced by gender socialisation.[12] Where a woman takes on the counterdependent position, it may take on the attributes of a false self or androcentric persona.[13]
The apparently independent behavior of the counterdependent can act as a powerful lure for the co-dependent[14] - though once a couple has formed the two partners - codependent/counterdependent - are sometimes found to switch roles.[15]
In therapy, the counterdependent personality often wishes to flee treatment, as a defense against the possibility of regression.[16] By keeping the therapist at arm's length, and avoiding reference to feelings as far as possible, they may attempt to control the therapist so as to preserve their sense of independence.[17]
Existential views
Existential therapists distinguish between interdependency on the one hand, and, on the other, both dependency and an escapist form of rebellious counterdependence.[18]
Counter dependence transference
Counterdependency can present itself in a clinical situation in the form of a negative transference.[19]
In the Personal construct theory of George Kelly, the term is used in another sense, to describe the therapist's transference of dependency onto the client: counter dependent transference.[20]
See also
References
- ^ Brian Koehler, 'Ludwig Binswanger: Contributions to an Intersubjective Approach to Psychosis'
- ^ Robert M. Gordon, I Love You Madly! (2008) p. 89
- ^ Selma H. Fraiberg, The Magic Years (1996) p. 64
- ^ Margaret Mahler, The Psychological Birth of the Human Being (1975) p. 66
- ^ J. B. Weinhold et al, Breaking Free of the Co-Dependency Trap (2008) p. 6-7
- ^ Patrick Casement, Further Learning from the Patient (1990) p. 94
- ^ Mavis Klein, Okay Parenting (1991) p. 108
- ^ Edward O. De Barry, Theological Reflection (2003) p. 157
- ^ Mark Atkinson, True Happiness (2011) p. 245
- ^ William Stewart, An A-Z of Counselling, Theory and Practice (2005) p. 295
- ^ Robin Skynner/John Cleese, Families and how to survive them (1993) p. 56 and p. 119-20
- ^ Barbara Jo Brothers, When One Partner is Willing and the Other is Not (1997) p. 40
- ^ Mary Anne Mattoon, Zurich 1995 (1997) p. 119
- ^ Otto Fenichel, The Psychoanalytic Theory of Neurosis (1946) p. 510
- ^ Weinhold, p. 10
- ^ Leonard Horwitz, Borderline Personality Disorder (1996) p. 167 and p. 133-4
- ^ John Bowlby, A Secure Base (2000) p. 50-1
- ^ Emmy van Deurzen-Smith, Existential Counselling in Practice (1997) p. 18
- ^ John Heron, Helping the Client (2001) p. 49
- ^ G. Kelly, The Psychology of Personal Constructs: Vol II (2003) p. 81-2 and p. 440
Further Reading
- J. B. & B. K. Weinhold, Counter-Dependency (2004)