Jump to content

Talk:Phillips Exeter Academy Library/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
< Talk:Phillips Exeter Academy Library
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by Dthomsen8 (talk | contribs) at 22:34, 8 March 2011 (→GA Review). The present address (URL) is a permanent link to this revision, which may differ significantly from the current revision.

GA Review

GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Edge3 (talk) 23:20, 3 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hi there! I will review this article. Edge3 (talk) 23:20, 3 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I have quite a lot of comments to make, but it doesn't look like the path to GA will be too hard at this point.

I placed my proposed edits in User:Bilpen/sandbox. In addition to the suggestions below, I added a in-line citation to the direct quote in the first paragraph of the History and services section. If these changes look OK to you I will post them in the article itself.
Bilpen (talk) 22:57, 7 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • An infobox would be nice, but is not required.
Maybe later
  • I think the "History" section should be renamed "History and services", since the section also touches on the services that the library provides.
Done
  • Per WP:WTW, please avoid the following words or phrases: renowned, widely-recognized, masterpiece, international significance (lead, para 1). State the facts! The "Recognition" section is filled with info on specific awards the library won, and the lead is supposed to provide a summary of the entire article.
    • The following phrases are also peacock terms: "nothing less than a truly outstanding contemporary design", "world's leading architects" (lead, para 2)
  • "thought by most scholars" (lead, para 3) -- You can't prove that "most" scholars believe in this way. I suggest that you just say "thought by scholars".
I rewrote the lead to accommodate these suggestions. I dropped the sentence with "most scholars" in it because it was too difficult to word it in light of the last section of the article, and it wasn't a critical sentence anyway. I added the phrase "independent boarding school" to the first paragraph even though it isn't in the body of the article; I got it from the Phillips Exeter Academy article. My understanding is that this type of thing is permissible if is done with a light touch.
  • Per WP:MOS please use commas to separate the digits of large numbers. (2,000 not 2000)
Done
  • Instead of using "richly furnished" to describe the Davis Library, give actual details of the library's furnishings, like marble floors.
I dropped that phrase instead of giving more details about the old library, because I didn't want to distract attention from the new library.
  • Don't use "renowned" to describe Kahn, and add a comma after "1965".
Done
  • "The building is widely recognized as an architectural masterpiece." -- I would remove that and use only Scully's book to reflect Exeter library's status as a widely recognized masterpiece.
Done
  • Don't use the word "influential" to describe Scully.
Done
  • What is the source for the paragraph beginning with "Henry Beford"?
It is in "An Open Book;" I added that citation.
  • "During Thomas' tenure the library's collection and programming grew to a size appropriate to a small liberal arts college." I don't see that mentioned in the "About the Library" source.
The citation for that sentence was misplaced. That citation was supposed to cover the first three sentences of that paragraph but I had it covering only the first two. I fixed the problem by moving the existing citation to the end of the third sentence.
  • "making it the largest secondary school library in the world" -- I don't think two sources are necessary. And the Petersons citation needs to be formatted properly, if you decide to keep it.
I dropped the Peterson's citation.
  • I'm assuming that the "1914–1946" range mentioned for Dr. Perry has to do with his tenure at the school? Please make that clearer.
Done

Reviewing the lead and "History" section is all that I have time to review at the moment. I should be able to finish the entire review within a day or two, but in the meantime I look forward to your response! Cheers, Edge3 (talk) 00:13, 4 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Capacity

The library web site says "At present, the Library houses 160,000 volumes on nine levels and has a shelf capacity of 250,000 volumes." That says something about the size of the library, something that readers are likely to want to know. --DThomsen8 (talk) 22:34, 8 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Phillips_Exeter_Academy_Library/GA1&oldid=417858284"