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User:Moabdave/Admin

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This is an old revision of this page, as edited by Moabdave (talk | contribs) at 05:59, 26 January 2011. The present address (URL) is a permanent link to this revision, which may differ significantly from the current revision.

Comments I congratulate you, the article is interesting, thorough and flows relatively well. However, it is quite wordy; I would recommend 2 or 3 complete passes to abbreviate. Unfortunately, I'm not sure anybody but talented copyeditor could resolve everything before this nomination closes. If that is the case, I would recommend to resubmit in the future, as this is close to FA status and in my opinion wikipedia needs more FA's on infrastructure topics. I see several misplaced commas; however I'm not a grammar expert and will defer to the opinions of others.

Example, in the section "Low dam", the sentence, "The dam being constructed was the low dam" could easily be merged with another sentence. One possibility, "On July 16, 1933 a crowd of 3000 watched the driving of the first stake at the site of the low dam." Another specific suggestion, "Between January 1 and early April, 1935 about 1,200 workers constructed the west cofferdam on the river and by the end of 1935, the east cofferdam was complete as well." could be simplified to "By the end of 1935 1,200 workers had completed the west and east cofferdams".

Others: "This was sorely disproved", "A dam of that size though would", "Washington's own governor", "Ditchers also hired", "soon afterward renamed"-> "now", "today's" or "predecessor to", Boulder Canyon Project proposal", but the results, in the form of project cost, "The Army Corps explained in the report that electricity sales from the Grand Coulee Dam could pay for construction costs, something Reclamation emphasized. ", "In 1933, the same year Roosevelt established the Public Works Administration, (this is covered below) Washington governor Clarence Martin set up the Columbia Basin Commission to oversee construction of the dam, funds were also released in July that year.[23] Reclamation was selected to oversee construction of the dam.[22]". "The last of the original 18 generators was not operational until 1950 though", "Later expansion" (section heading) "One major obstacle", "As it was, only nine out of the dam's eighteen generators could run year-round while the remaining nine operated for less than six months a year.", "added an additional 314 MW", "transfer at a rate of up to", "record severe flood"

Comments about specific sections: Lead:

  • "MWAK" in all caps implies an acronym. If that is the case, it should be explained on first mention. If it's not, it should probably be downcased.
  • For me there's too many words in quotations. However, I'll defer to the opinions of others. For example, does 'Third Powerbox' really need to be set apart in quotes? The uppercase letters already imply a formal name.

Background:

  • "did the vast majority of the work" is a little too informal for my tastes, how about "carved most of the gorge" or something like that.
  • "Goethals briefly visited" 'briefly' is relative word, minutes, days, weeks? . I'd suggest either to delete the word (as the sentence reads fine without it) or replace with the duration.
  • "Reclamation endorsed the report but their interest in the project was revitalized after the report's findings were made public a year prior." I don't understand this sentence.

Construction:

  • "The consortium was known as MWAK and their bid" MWAK is used twice before this sentence, as such this explanation is either unnecessary or misplaced.
  • The acronym MWAK is explained on the 4th mention, it should be explained on the first mention.
  • Cofferdams is wikilinked on the second mention, it should be linked on the first mention.
  • "Colville Confederated and Spokane Tribe of Indians" If these are formal names of tribes, they should be wikilinked, even if the articles don't yet exist.
  • Might want to ask someone if cents should be linked in the phrase, "80 cents an hour". I know US Dollars are pretty universally understood, but I don't know about the word cent.
  • Overlink: "Grand Coulee" is wikilinked at the end of this section. I would certainly hope the reader knows what the Grand Coulee is before they get this far along in the article =-).

Overhauls: The way this section is written, it will be outdated and needing a re-write in just a couple of years. I recognize it is impossible to write such a section that will not need to be updated, however, by avoiding things like specific dates of estimated completion for individual phases of the project, the longevity of the article can be improved.

Power:Do you know the manufacturer of the Turbines? Are they mass produced models or were they custom made for this project? If these details are known, they would be good additions to the article.

Touring the Dam: IMO this isn't a good section header name, how about "Tourism", "Attractions" or "Visitors center"? Just a suggestion. Also "well used theater" per WP:PEACOCK, "new Third Powerhouse" (New is a word that should be avoided in an article, as it make the article prone to becoming outdated sooner)

Further Reading: Two of the books do not have ISBN numbers listed. Have you checked to see if they have other identifiers, such as OCLC or DOI numbers assigned? the site worldcat.org may be able to help search for those.

Overall the article is very good, please accept this feedback as suggestions and in the spirit intended. Good Luck! Dave (talk) 05:50, 26 January 2011 (UTC)

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