User talk:Tony1/Advanced editing exercises

Kudos

This is an awesome job, Tony. Can I help at all? For example, I'd like to add "date linking" to one of the examples. :) --El on ka 20:47, 6 December 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Elonka; however, I'm looking for constructive criticism. Does the colour-coding system work? Is Exercise 2c too big (seven issues, plus an eighth) for a single chunk? Is the formatting and structure of the exercises OK? Tony (talk) 00:39, 8 December 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Exercise 2 - final note

I hesitate to criticise, but "this" is duplicated. Also, is "just" needed? Thus far, I have found the page and exercises useful. Thanks. Finavon (talk) 20:11, 22 December 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Please do criticise! Fixed. Tony (talk) 01:53, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Example 3b

Nice work. Still, something seems to have been lost from Example 3b; I can't tell exactly what was intended. Only two of the errors are colored in the "where the issues are" section, and I'm not sure from the formatting of "the solution" exactly how it addresses the issues. I'm tempted to fix it myself, but I'm sure you already know what you intended, so I'll leave it for you.

There also seems to be some dangling test below example 4—another example or two in the making?--atakdoug (talk) 00:50, 8 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Example 3a

Isn't steam locomotive also a double adjective (defining technology), which should therefore be hyphenated? I'd say it's a similar situation to post-war. Waltham, The Duke of 19:37, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

You could hyphenate it, or you mght not: it's one of those borderline case. Certainly American writers are less likely to hyphenate a borderline case. TONY (talk) 01:54, 9 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

True. But clarity is always to be gained from such hyphenations, isn't it? Waltham, The Duke of 04:41, 9 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Besides, the example in question is a British one. Waltham, The Duke of 04:43, 9 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Suggestion

For the solution of the basketball rivalry bit, perhaps one could change "His friendship and rivalry with Boston Celtics star Larry Bird—based on regular games at championship level between the Lakers and Celtics—were well-documented." to "His friendship and rivalry with Boston Celtics star Larry Bird—based on numerous championship games between the Lakers and Celtics—were well-documented."

It tightens the wording and dodges the potentially confusing "regular games at championship level" statement. I might be wrong, but would including a "the" before "numerous championship games" merely be redundant? — Deckill er 02:13, 24 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Got rid of that exercise; a bit cumbersome. TONY (talk) 14:15, 29 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

1c, Ima Hogg

For their home, the Hoggs chose the largest lot, 14.5 acres (5.9 ha). Ima worked closely with architect John Staub to design the house so that it would show off the art the family had already purchased.

Which you have worked down to:

For their home, the Hoggs chose the largest lot, 14.5 acres (5.9 ha). Ima worked closely with architect John Staub to design a house that would show off the art the family had purchased.

Could this be further boiled down to:

For their home, the Hoggs chose the largest lot, 14.5 acres (5.9 ha). Ima worked ~~closely~~ with architect John Staub to design a house that would show off ~~the~~ art the family had purchased.

"Display" might also be better than "show off" (it depends on whether you wish to imply ostentation). Neıl 龱 14:02, 29 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your comments, but I think your suggestions change the substantive meaning. TONY (talk) 14:14, 29 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Even the final "the"? Neıl 龱 16:36, 29 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Absolutely: "the art" refers to specific art that the reader can recover not right there but in the preceding text, or from general knowledge—or it's specific because it's the art that the family had purchased; not any old art. To remove "the" changes the possible set of meanings. TONY (talk) 16:48, 29 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

3d

Most of the sentence under 'solution' showed up green for me, I thought it was missing a </font> tag. I did a minor tweak to the color name and it appeared fixed, but only in the show preview of the section editor; it still appears broken when you view the whole page. it must be a tag left open in some section above that one. It looks like it's affecting 3c and -e as well, but not 3b, could it be 3b or -c?

Also, in 3d there's still innovative although controversial, innovative, is this just the tag placement? Thanks for making these exercises, they're a great help! I've never seen anything else like them on Wikipedia. delldot talk 15:14, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Example 3e

The numbering of the phrases in the solution of example 3e is off. What happened to number five? — Bellhalla (talk) 12:57, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

First SR Merchant Navy Class excercise

In the first SR Merchant Navy Class excercise, I think we can remove more words.

Incorporating ~~a number of~~ ~~new~~ developments in British steam locomotive technology,

a number of is unnecessary
new is redundant since a development is "a new and refined product or idea"

What do you think? --Ke6jjj (talk) 03:55, 1 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I thought yes, you're right. Then I though, no. Please see the diff and tell me whether you agree. Tony (talk) 04:51, 1 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]