Tooban

Tooban or Taobh Bán as it known as Gaeilge is truly one of the most inspiring places in the wonderful peninsula of Inishowen.

Tis truly a place for hardy bucks and leds.

It is situated exactly between Derry and Buncrana on the main Derry-Buncrana road (strangely enough)

Tooban junction was historically one of the main northwest stops on the sorely missed Derry & Lough Swilly railway- the London in front of Derry had to be removed as one of the hardy fighting tribes of Taobh Bán the much feared "Halfwaymen" of the local alehouse Halfway House threatened death by turf whipping to any soul who dared call it the Londonderry and Lough Swilly railway even going so far as to place a bounty of 35 pints of stout and 10 hot halfs on the head of any buck who uttered such contemptible loyalist diatribe. Rumours that a man calling himself "Jack" who frequented the alehouse only offered his services on the condition that the bounty was changed to 5 bottles of JD remain unconfirmed.

Tooban boasts a Presbyterian church and primary school St Murás N.S- the headmistress of which is a cousin of Irish sporting legend Pat Bonner. "Packie" as he is affectionately known in his native Donegal was an object of female desire in Roddy Doyles much acclaimed "The Van" and played for the Republic of Ireland, Celtic and most famously the mighty Keadue Rovers. Anyone who mentions Wim Jonk in relation to Packie will be summarily dragged to the scroggs in Taobh Bán and given a Sopranos style "while batin". Sir.

Tooban was once a hotbed of local sporting talent.

The "Bush Field" as it is affectionately known played host to some of the finest 19 a side football matches ever played. A unique venue with it's fairy tree and mad slope it was not unusual to see marathon games of sacáir played on its hallowed muck for over 28 hours until it was too dark to see the ball or some of the players had to go for their spuds.

Legends who strolled it's turf included the Gull family comprising three curly bop brothers Adriano, Liam Bob, and Kieran- (who moved to the Taobh Bán area from Birmingham, England) (and who over time would develop even more redneck ways of speaking than the natives themselves) the McGrorys- 3 fine sporting men Micháel, Marcus and Paw, the McCallions Paul and Shaun, and the Hendersons- Johnny-Paul, Burry, Chup and Deeny. 2 men of the neighbouring Fahan shire-also brothers, Damiano and Paddy were also granted special citizenship to partake in the epic games on the basis of their having a Taobh Bán grandmother.

Each of these men were blessed with talents that would make the Gods themselves weep. There are to this day many debates as to who was the finest amongst them- young chup Henderson went on to become a prolific goalscorer for Aileach F.C, Kieran Gull whose talents in later years were acknowledged in senior soccer especially on Thursday nights at indoor, Damiano the silver fox was a Baresi type stopper, Adriano was according to local legend "faster than a running ewe" ( a compliment to his scintillating pace) whilst Shaun was renowned for his explosive shooting. The longest unbeaten record on the field according to local mythology was held by Johnny Henderson who was also was to become a prodigious talent for Aileach (he and brother chup both went on to be top scorers in Inish Eoghain's reserve league) Legend has it that Johnny went over 5 years and some 3,082 matches unbeaten before losing an epic battle 20-19 with the the last header of the game from Paul McCallion at the bottom of the hill end (near Paddy McGrory's gate) Apparently play had only continued so late due to the players discovering a new yellow, leather ball (a unique innovation at the time) which had been purchased from Jobby's in Derry. To this day Johnny carrys the scars of that defeat- in fact so great was his shame he had to eventually relocate to another part of the Island where he still resides with memories of that fateful summer eve.

Tooban's residents have also suffered like the indigneous people of the South American rainforest in that their famous overgrown, natural habitat "The Scroggs" was pulled down in order to placate property developers- the Celtic Tiger effectively destroying a fantastic, beautiful, natural environment that was also an ideal hiding place for Halloween ambushes of the "Backhill" people- a notoriously rough, inbred, crowd of hallions who armed themselves with water ballons, catapults and specialised in stealing peoples gates round 31st October each year.

Tooban has evolved greatly over the past 10 years- it's population steadily growing with immigrants from places as diverse as Poland and Coshquin. It still has it's unique character and homely welcome and although the fabled generation have grown older, and many of it's famous sons re-located, Tooban is still a magical place.

Once yearly the drunken masses of the North West converge for the Metric Barndance a huge social event featuring drinking, fighting, rowing, vomiting, and barndancing.

Local attractions include Caroline's Chippy, The Cross up the Scalp, Jack Bell's forge, The Bush Field, The Halfway House and Metric Complex and The Fowler Hall.

I hope this has been informative and entertaining- remember when on the road to Buncrana- don't blink....or you'll miss it.