User:Sigridlokensgard/User:Gsewell1/sandbox/Sigridlokensgard Peer Review

General info

Whose work are you reviewing?

Gsewell1

Link to draft you're reviewing

User:Gsewell1/sandbox

Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Yente Serdatzky

Evaluate the drafted changes

Content

Shouldn't need any additions to article lead

If the Collected Writings was published in 1913 and she wrote until 1955 then you don't need to specify that it's incomplete

May have too much detail on plot of "Miri," specific events of protagonist's alienation may not be relevant

Also may be more than enough detail on "Confession" to understand themes and social relevance

Summaries of stories' themes are strong, succinct, informative

I could follow it without any more context

Artistic and thematic differences between the periods of Serdatzky's work not clear so need/lack thereof for third story also unclear but I don't think length is an issue if you make other sections more concise

Use of two stories as representatives is a good strategy but make the connections to the rest of Serdatzky's body of work explicit

Need for context established at the opening of the section doesn't seem followed up on except for mention of 1905 rebellion

Good sourcing, could expand article with more perspectives but I know scholarship is limited

Commentary on stories all on political themes, has scholarship been done on artistic value and technique

Article is much more complete with explanations from Serdatzky's body of work

Content is thorough but connections, between different additions and the additions and the wider scope of Serdatzky's career, are unclear

Style

Flow in opening paragraph is difficult to follow

Aside about feud with Cahan breaks up sentence about Collected Writings, could re-organize

The English title- Yiddish title format (Collected Writings [געקליבענע שריפֿטען]) seems better than the Yiddish- English (מירל ["Mirl"]) for an English article

Yiddish titles are useful for reference but since I don't know Yiddish I don't know how much other words add to the article (something that can't be expressed faithfully in English)

Some style issues with redundant phrasing-- "highlight Serdatzky's demonstrated engagement with topics such as," "the word "war" articulates the battle," "the title comes from the Hebrew word וִדּוּי, referring to the act of confession in the Jewish religion" can all be cut down

Don't know if "intrusive thoughts" is right word choice

I don't think the Yiddish is distracting

Organization

Maybe organize information about Collected Writings and other publication history separately from "Miri" and "Confession" information

Final sentence of first paragraph sounds like a thesis, I don't know if that's a problem

Overall sounds like an informative essay, also don't know if that's a problem

Could add sub-headings to make section easier to parse