How to Make Enemies and Irritate People

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How to Make Enemies and Irritate People is the sixth studio album by the Chicago-based punk rock band Screeching Weasel. Planned as the group's final album, it was released in August 1994 on CD, vinyl and cassette through Lookout Records. Shortly before recording the album, bassist/backing vocalist Dan Vapid left the band. As a result, the group recruited Green Day bassist Mike Dirnt to record the album with them.

Screeching Weasel broke up the day recording finished and shut down their post office box soon after. During the break-up, vocalist Ben Weasel, Vapid and drummer Dan Panic went on to form the more Ramones-influenced band the Riverdales while guitarist John Jughead took time off from music to write and direct plays. The band would reunite in 1996 with Vapid back on bass for the Bark Like a Dog album on Fat Wreck Chords.

After the band removed its catalog from Lookout due to unpaid royalties, the album was re-released by Asian Man Records in 2005 and was again reissued on vinyl in 2013 by Recess Records featuring new artwork.

Track listing

Original Lookout copies of the album included a humorously erroneous track listing on the back cover.

All tracks are written by Ben Weasel, except where noted.

Side one

No.	Title	Fake title	Length
1.	"Planet of the Apes"	Planet of the Dupes	1:50
2.	"99"	86	2:17
3.	"I Hate Your Guts on Sunday"	I Love Yer Nuts on Monday	1:39
4.	"Johnny Are You Queer?" (written by Bobby and Larson Paine; originally performed by Josie Cotton)	Johnny Is That Beer?	2:07
5.	"Time Bomb"	Slime Pond	1:15
6.	"Burnout Girl"	Burnt Out Squirrel	2:20
7.	"If I Was You"	If I Was Hugh	2:04

Side two

No.	Title	Fake title	Length
8.	"Nobody Likes You" (written by Weasel and Dan Vapid)	Nobody Bites You	2:05
9.	"Degenerate"	Da Genitals	2:03
10.	"Surf Goddess" (written by Weasel and Joe King)	Smurf Goddess	3:25
11.	"Kathy Isn't Right"	Kathy's Not Too Light	1:25
12.	"Kathy's on the Roof"	Kathy's on the Moon	2:39
13.	"I Wrote Holden Caulfield"	I Wrote Ignatius J. Reilly	2:47
Total length:			27:56

Personnel

• Ben Weasel – lead vocals, rhythm guitar
• John Jughead – lead guitar
• Mike Dirnt – bass, backing vocals
• Dan Panic – drums

Additional performers

• Gretchen Smear - backing vocals on "Johnny Are You Queer?"

Production

• Mass Giorgini – producer, engineer, mixer
• Ben Weasel – producer, mixer
• Chris Appelgren – cover art
• Anna Mullen – photography
• Richard Bucchioni – cover art and layout for 2013 reissue